Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Talis vita finis ita.

Thom, 11:14 AM

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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Geeksa - All It Takes.

"The New Worlds Alliance, Fully Booked, PLDT and Level Up! present: New Worlds 4: A Broken Time Machine - The Fourth Philippine Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention, July 16, 2006, Rockwell Tent, Power Plant Mall"

I feel lost.

Like I'm being taken for granted, like I have no value at all.

*sigh*

Thom, 10:16 AM

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Monday, July 04, 2005

Daryl Joy Filosopo Mosquera is now a certified nurse.

She was a big part of my high school life in Iloilo -- once, she was special to me.

We met in my fourth and final year -- when I transferred to the Special Class. (Yes, I am smart -- all modesty aside.) Never even noticed her -- it always seems to be that way. I was never a big believer in love at first sight. It all seems too shallow for me.

My first impression was "this girl needs vitamins or something. Mukha siyang Nene."

It so happened that in our VE Class, we needed to present a play that represented man's struggle thru life. We were grouped together, Daryl and I, together with Irish, Ferman, Ernesto, and Robert.

I wrote the play in iambic pentameter: yes, it rhymed. Every line was a poetic expression. I just loved the idea.

Irish would represent Man. Everyone else would represent the temptations of the world.

Ferman, in his sleek tux, complete with playing cards, money chips and fake cash, would be Gambling. Ernesto, forever snuffing packets of powder, would represent Drugs. Robert, with expensive wine bottle in left hand and cheap bottle of beer in the right, would be Alcohol.

Daryl, in her tight tank top and double slit skirt, would be...yes, she would be Woman.

The play went well -- everyone delivered their lines superbly. Me? I wrote the frickin thing. I was just on the sidelines, watching my creation come to life.

And then came Daryl's part. I told her to dance seductively as she made her way to Man, delivering her lines with as much sexiness as possible.

That was when it happened.

I was seeing this girl in a new light: no longer was she the little Nene I so often teased. She was now a woman. And oh boy, what a woman.

From then on I was never the same: I was plagued by this feeling of immense strenght and unexplainable weakness -- and I was feeling it at the same time.

Ironically -- it was in August 5, 2005 -- we were taking the UPCAT -- when it finally became official. I made up my mind. I was going to risk it all for a chance.

I told her thru a letter -- only because I didn't have enough guts to tell her face-to-face. (She still has the letter.)

I failed.

Our friendship -- if there ever was one -- went up in flames. And I was left with nothing but a broken soul, mind, body, heart.

I swore I would never ever feel the same way towards anyone again -- no matter how special you are, I will kill the feeling while its still small and powerless.

Because if I don't -- it will become more powerful with each passing day, and I would be consumed by it again.

I hate that feeling.

But of course -- it didn't end there.

Three years later, there was Maria Angelica Grace Albea Gualberto.

(to be continued...)

Thom, 11:48 AM

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Sunday, July 03, 2005

Love is not a choice. Its a feeling. If we could choose who we loved, it would be easier, but much less magical.

Yeah, but if we could choose who we loved, it would be easier to choose someone who really feels right. But that would lessen the magic, the joy, the ecstasy! (I wouldn't know what this might feel like.)

But it would also lessen the pain.

Which is why love is one huge risk.

Being in love rocks and sucks at the same time. Its the only feeling that has the power to make you eternally happy or miserable forever.

*sigh*

***

Which makes me think: what's more important, intelligence or dashing prettyboy good looks? Not that I have any of the latter. La lang.

Matalino nga ako, but I think life would be easier if I was just dumb and goodlooking.

*sigh*

Thom, 3:48 PM

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Friday, July 01, 2005

Hope is a very strange word.

My former Master Meann told me that hope is like a carrot, placed in front of the horse to keep it going.

But in the end, does the horse get the stupid carrot? Nope.

Its just there to keep you going, but with no sure sign of success.

Let's face it: there's just nothing certain in this world. Risking things is a part of life.

As a boy, I was already watching the pretty girls get taken by my pals. I was always the one who ends up with nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. But it didn't matter to me: I was class clown. I was the funny guy. I was liked by everyone, but no girl would ever take me seriously.

High school was no different. I was absolutely terrified of girls: they were pretty, yes, nice to look at, yes, but I would forever dread the idea of trying to win one's heart.

It wasn't until fourth year when I opened up and tried: perhaps a little too hard. It brought me nothing but pain. I wouldn't try again for another three years.

That one -- was even more painful. (I'm sure you know who I'm talking about.)

Now I'm twenty-one -- and have never had a girlfriend. Four years ago, in Star Wars Philippines, me, Gary, Oneal, Ricky and Aids were all single.

Now, Gary has quirky Master Meann.

Oneal has bubbly Rej.

Ricky has the witty Reitch.

Aids has the lovely Luna.

Me?

Zero pa rin.

Don't get me wrong: I'm happy for them. I'm very happy because they are all my friends and they've all found happiness in each other.

A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, precious time together. Romance, man, romance!

Me?

Zero. Alone. At fucking twenty-one.

So please don't blame me if I sometimes suck the life out of you, dear friends, because -- because I don't have anyone else but you guys.

Happiness has always been elusive. Why do I still wonder? Why do I even dream that I can have it? Why do I even try?

I may never be happy. But that's fucking okay.

As long as you are.

Thom, 2:21 PM

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Saturday, June 25, 2005

I don't want this anymore.

Take it all away.

*sob*

Thom, 3:24 PM

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